Friday, April 5, 2013

Clever last words

You never know when, and even worse, how you're going to go out in this crazy world, and when you go you really need to have something witty on standby, because you're not getting a second chance on this. So to make sure you're not under-prepared, you should probably print out this list of:

Clever last words

Lost at sea

1. Don't worry about me James, I'm a seafaring man.
2. Land Ho!

Lost in the Arctic Circle

1. Mush, mush, mush . . .
2. There's gold in them thar' hills!

Standing before a tribunal of puritan judges

1. I'll see you in hell!
2. Boil, boil, cauldron bubble.

Standing before a war party of Indian Braves

1. I regret that I have but one life to give to my country.
2. Give me liberty, or give me death!

Police Brutality

1. What, no Miranda rights?
2. Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do?

Gun shot wound as a result of hunting

1. Well boys, I'm going up to chase that big game in the sky.
2. It burns!

Political insurgents hold a coup, pull you out of office and gun you down

1. Hahaha, now you'll never know where I hid the gold!
2. You'll never take me alive!

Men from across the sea land on your coast, and outmode your armies with their superior technology and then pull you out off of your throne and cut your throat with a knife

1. Mighty Qu-Var-Ishto-Noch the VI will be avenged!
2. Hahaha, now the secret room full of diamond bearing trees will never be laid bare!

God strikes you down with a lightning bolt

1. Give in to the dark side. Strike me down in your anger!
2. It burns!

Death by auto de fe

1. I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down, and the flames went higher
2. Oh now! I can see my grand pappy and all the pretty angels, they're calling me in boys!

Death by Western standoff

1. The clock struck four, he hit the floor, hickory dickory dock
2. The shot heard round the world!

Death by terrorist airplane hijacking and dive-bombing into beloved national monument

1. Steady as she goes!
2. Hahaha, you'll never take me alive!

Lost in outer space

1. To boldly go where no man has gone before
2. Houston, we have a problem.

Death by poison by your brother in order to clear you off the throne.

1. E tu brutha?
2. Good night sweet prince.

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