Saturday, April 6, 2013

G.I. Joe: Oh No!

So the new G.I. Joe movie is out. I watched it and I'll say that it was completely and enjoyably forgettable. Or perhaps, it was completely and forgettably enjoyable.
Spoiler Alert: The G.I. Joe's get wiped out except for the Rock, the Babe, and the Kid. The remaining Joes foil a big Cobra plan to nuke the world, but a couple of the key Cobras survive as well.
I guess its hard not to wonder while watching this movie how many children have come up with stories just as interesting on a saturday morning with their set of action figures because essentially, what we're watching in these G.I. Joe movies is a childhood fantasy come to life.


I like that pretty much all of the G.I. Joes were killed in the first 30 minutes of the movie, especially since many of those same Joes were killed before in the 1987 animated G.I. Joe movie. I actually think, that in simulation of playing (and killing) G.I. Joes, that in each movie all the key characters, both Cobra and Joe, should always be back in the game. I sort of think that there should be some G.I. Joe movies where the Cobras come out victorious. I mean, when I used to play with those toys, I'd have certain battles where pretty much everyone was dead by the end and maybe Cobra Commander escapes and Salvo (my personal favorite) or Snake Eyes would drag himself off the battlefield half alive.
One thing the movie got right was getting the Rza to play the part of the Ninja Guru. It is delightful how much sense it doesn't make that the guy calling the shots of the secret Ninja society atop some Tokyo tower is not asian. Oh well. At least that part of the plot allowed Stormshadow to work alongside of Snake Eyes and Jinx for a while.
You don't really want things to make sense in a G.I. Joe movie. It doesn't need to be strange that anytime Snake Eyes fights people, the only weapons they seem to have are katana blades.
The nuke juke that Zartan runs on the world seemed pretty legit. Maybe given our tense present nuclear situation, the white house should take some cues from the Cobras.
As a final parting thought, this movie is worth watching singly for the destruction sequence of London. It was so awesome that I was hoping the Cobras would get to drop a bomb on Paris and New York before their plans were brought to a halt. Oh well, there's always next time I guess.

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