Thursday, February 24, 2011

Ralph the Cat talks about a bad job

Dear Ralph,
My dad always makes me vacuum the carpets and in the summer I have to cut the grass outside too. I don’t like doing either one of them, but I get an allowance, and that’s pretty good. I like to think about how i’m trading the lawn mowing for ice cream sandwiches. What were your worst jobs?
Your buddy,

Albert Jenkins

To:Albert Jenkins
For a while i worked a job with a wrecker service. i was living up north and there weren’t really good jobs at all, but because of the crazy weather everyone was always getting their car stuck and they had to get pulled out and towed and everything.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Ralph the Cat's Fanmail

Dear Ralph,
I’m feeling really low. I don’t really like myself and I don’t really
care about life. I wish I were somewhere else all the time and sometimes
I wish that I never even existed.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

National Anthem

“Hello Kuwait!” Tom yelled, inching the warped metallic B-2 bomber across the empyrean. Tom could press all the buttons on his console by muscle memory, a result of the tireless of work of Drill Sergeant Rock Murray. D.S. Rock Murray with his bulging eyes and perfectly square jaw. “You can’t think boy. If you think I think then think again. I do. I am. Thinking’s no good in this world.” Funny enough, D.S. Rock Murray’s words were now the only thing that Tom could think about.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Ralph the Cat's Fanmail

Dear Ralph

I’m a severe hypochondriac. I mean I really can’t sleep.
I’ve tried it all dude. But. Watching your old episodes is
the cure for me. I put one in and bam! I’m asleep.