Saturday, March 30, 2013

Diet Plans

Has dieting been your Achilles Heel? You know you need to go on a diet but you havn't found a plan right for you? Well then you've come to the right place! You might as well shout for joy and dance the Celt Kumbaya. You Know Funny has come up with the Diet Riot plan that will beautify your booty and tumble your tummy fat. Here's how the Diet Riot plan works!

Confine Yourself

The first thing you will need to do is confine yourself to a room that you can do some good writing in. Some writers in the past have benefited from lengthy prison terms, hiding in attics during pogroms, recovery from mental breakdowns in a sanitarium, recovery from a war wound in a military hospital in the south of France, or having lots of children and not being to leave the house because of strict Mormon mores.

Write, Write, Write

Once confined, write a book. Not just any book though. Write something like Mein Kampf, destined to turn heads and cause lots of controversy.

Find a Publisher 

Have your book published. Lots of campus presses support anarchco-socialist communist beliefs and will all too gladly print every last misguided thought found in your unpatriotic sham of a revolutionary work.

Enjoy the Fruit of your Work


Watch as your followers mount! But don't stop now. On to the next step.

Get Organized

You will need to organize your followers. If you aren't too great with finances, appoint a president and a couple veeps to deal with contributions. Pretty soon they will have secured a 27,000 acre ranch for everyone to live at. The ranch will be self-supporting, full of arable farmland, an arms factory, and a telecommunications network so that you can broadcast propaganda at all times of the day and night. Remember, just because it's dark here doesn't mean some sympathizing hater of democratic freedom isn't ready to cry wildly as they hear your crazy harangue and then sell all their belongings, donate it to your cause, and find the next steamer to get out to the ranch.

Military Defense Measures


You'll want to install a state of the art defense system around the perimeter of the ranch. By now you will have had top military scientists defecting into your growing community so this shouldn't be a problem.

Create Political Alliances


At this point you should already be working on some major political alliances as well as developing a network of spies who have infiltrated some of the more important levels of government among the top 10 nations of the world.

Attack!


Launch your attack! Declare yourself master of the known Universe! Don't hesitate to force your standing army of a half million troops on a desperate march into Siberia in January! No one can stop you!

Real Tips


To ease some complains we've been getting from people who have said our diet plan isn't working too well, here are some other plans you might try:

The guys at Life Hack have some useful ideas.
Huffington Post's What would Batman eat.
And Dr. Oz has some legit tips.

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