Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Andaluni the Greats Fanmail

Dear Mr. Andaluni
How do you do such great tricks?
Your friend, willie­­

Dear Willie
There is no such thing as a trick. Clever men devised the idea of calling magic a trick so they wouldn’t be cast out of society. But now, fortunately, no one really minds if you dabble in sorcery. So I will tell my tale:
On the eleventh day of the eleventh month, eleven years ago, I arose at an hour past midnight and walked deep into the woods. There I did secretive things that would place a blight upon your mind if I spoke candidly regarding all the horrible trials I faced. There were five days of the trials and voices from out of the dark that tore bitterly into my soul. But to make a long story short, after all that I’ve had really no problem getting out of shackles and belts and all that.
-the Great Andaluni

Dear mister Andaluni
What is the scariest trick that you have done?
Your pal, little jim

Dear Little Jim
I was once shot of a cannon into a tar pit, shackled, with belts prohibiting the movement of my legs, arms, neck and torso. I couldn’t free myself of my bonds in the tar but I found an intact carcass of a wooly mammoth and used the shackles to cut into its belly, there I bit into his lungs and breathed ten million year old air for a half minute, until I was able to free myself of the shackles. From there it was touch and go, but I rapidly made my way out of the mortal danger of the tar pit.
-the Great Andaluni

Dear mister andaluni
Will you ever jump out of a plane at high altitudes and land on the ground without using a parachute?
Your buddy, billy

Dear Billy
Not unless I am shackled first.
-the Great Andaluni

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