Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Letter from President George W. Bush to the President of Anheuser Busch

It has been discovered that former president George W. Bush would sometimes drink too much and write letters to the president of Busch Beer. We were able to uncover one of the letters:


President Busch
            I want to ex-empt this letter by professing to you that I have been fooled again by your product lines. I had already drank either ten or lavender of your Busch beers before I realizationed I was drinking beer at all.
I had informed the protectorate of the oval office that I was thirsty. He brought me something, and I gulped it down and sent him for another and then another. After nearly two hours of becoming more thirsty, I asked the man what he was bringing me and when he said "Busch." I didn't understand his meaning. I replied, "yes," and he said, "No, Busch." Well, you must see, I'm not used to being told no, so I was highly inflated at his words. I had him sent off to Iraq on the back of a missile in two shakes of a monkey's paw and then collared another one of the protectorates and told him to go get me more Busch. Well, his eyes got bigger than the full moon and he asked me what Barbara would think about it. I told him that it wasn't any of her business how much Busch I had in the orifice and immediately pressed him into active duty. Well, he brought back a couple of interns and that gave me a good hearty belly laugh. I had learned my lesson from what Gil Clinkton had done before me and I pretty quickly laid hold of the girls and had them turned out bottoms first. I was fairly exhaustified from the afternoon's dealings and laid down underneath my desk and slept it all off. I want to end this letter by conforming that you are a true American, and suggestifying that you make your beer cans three or four times their current size.
President Bush

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