Porsche does away with Sports cars

In an unexpected move, grey-haired Giordano Matzarelli, President of Sales for Porsche since 1958, announced that the company is permanently halting production of their famous sports cars. Matzarelli said, “It’s a wash. Everyone knows that sports cars are a thing of the past. We’ve had a good long run, but we’re stopping while we’re ahead.”
As an example, Matzarelli showed that sales of Porsche’s 911 have dropped steadily since 1998 and, if the trend we’re to continue, would bottom out by October of 2019. “That’s a future that none of us at Porsche want to see,” Matzarelli said with an obvious tint of sorrow in his voice.
But Porsche doesn’t believe the sacrifice will be in vain. A team of young, culture savvy engineers stood up as Matzarelli sat down and enthusiastically showcased their plan to “rev Porsche back up.” Mike Armstrong, spearheading the forward thinking project summed up the future of Porsche in one simple word: “Armchairs.” Clicking heroically and skillfully through colorful charts projected from his smartbook computer, Armstrong held forth on the solvency of armchairs over sportscars. “It’s childplay really,” says Armstrong. “In the future no one will drive or be driven at all. Everyone will just sit around in armchairs marveling over the greatness of the internet.” Armstrong maintains that in the past decades, men found stabilizing meaning in the phrase “I drive a . . .” but in the future what will be of greatest import is the phrase, “I recline in a . . .” What Armstrong says will not change about the phrases of the past and future is one word: “Porsche.”