Movie Review-Hanna (crap alert)

Last night I got Hanna'd. If you havn't seen the movie Hanna. Then count your lucky stars, but it is kind of important in a stupid way. That way being after having seen it, you can say that you've been Hanna'd after watching something that is of arguably superior quality, in poor taste, missing crucial elements which would have helped it make sense, which finishes abruptly.
The movie begins and ends with Hanna shooting things dead at close range, at which point a weird Red Screen pops up that says HANNA in scrawled letters. Probably, this was the worst and best way this movie could have ended. If only because once the HANNA screen pops up, you realize how well you have just been HANNA'd.

Ninja Talk

Dear Ralph,
I met a guy today who said he was a ninja. I asked him to show me. He looked at me, and then he said, "trust me, i'm a ninja." But I don't think he's a ninja.

What do the Wildcats need to beat the Huskies on Saturday?

April 2 marks the day where two college basketball powerhouses come together in perhaps the most epic matchup this year: Uconn, riding on unbelievable momentum and UK, heating up at just the right time.

I believe UK will have to bring two items to the table on Saturday night for success against the soaring Huskies.

How to Blog

There has always been the elusive American dream infecting the sanity of our teeming masses: gold in the hills, thunder on the mountain, jack in the box. Now, in the sci-fi laden 21st century it's dreams of internet stardom that cause blogs to flower like brush and weed across the unending Texan rangelands.
So the question remains:
"What are 7 things that can be done to ensure that
my blog stays forever locked in internet obscurity?"

How to Rob a Bank

So you've tried your hand at petty theft and you think you're ready for the bigtime? Think again. Before stepping onto the big stage of bank heists, you better read through our guide.

16 Rules for building your Housecleaning Business.

Are you having trouble kickstarting your Housecleaning franchise? Can’t seem to build a reliable clientele? Running out of steam in a world of unthinkably efficient steam engine cleaning dynamos? We know that you are! Our tested and proved methods will turn your flagging business around in no time. You’ll be a regular John Henry, leaving the corporate machine in the dust. What follows are 15 rules that we promise if you adhere to strictly, will yield the same unerring results. We've seen it work time after time. So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and . . .

How to Spot a Crook: 7 useful tips

Crooks come in a lot of varieties. Some crooks want to use you and some of them want to be used by you. There are old crooks and young crooks, rich ones and poor ones, big and small. Crooks are smug tricksters that will try to take advantage of you. But they can't trick you if you can see them coming a mile away! Best be on your guard and brush up on How to Spot a Crook.

Pyramid Schemes

Dear Ralph,
I’m having trouble with one of my friends. He always wants to hang out when I’m doing other things, and then he gets mad about it.

Ralph the Cat talks about a bad job

Dear Ralph,
My dad always makes me vacuum the carpets and in the summer I have to cut the grass outside too. I don’t like doing either one of them, but I get an allowance, and that’s pretty good. I like to think about how i’m trading the lawn mowing for ice cream sandwiches. What were your worst jobs?
Your buddy,

Albert Jenkins

To:Albert Jenkins
For a while i worked a job with a wrecker service. i was living up north and there weren’t really good jobs at all, but because of the crazy weather everyone was always getting their car stuck and they had to get pulled out and towed and everything.

Ralph the Cat's Fanmail

Dear Ralph,
I’m feeling really low. I don’t really like myself and I don’t really
care about life. I wish I were somewhere else all the time and sometimes
I wish that I never even existed.

National Anthem

“Hello Kuwait!” Tom yelled, inching the warped metallic B-2 bomber across the empyrean. Tom could press all the buttons on his console by muscle memory, a result of the tireless of work of Drill Sergeant Rock Murray. D.S. Rock Murray with his bulging eyes and perfectly square jaw. “You can’t think boy. If you think I think then think again. I do. I am. Thinking’s no good in this world.” Funny enough, D.S. Rock Murray’s words were now the only thing that Tom could think about.

Ralph the Cat's Fanmail

Dear Ralph

I’m a severe hypochondriac. I mean I really can’t sleep.
I’ve tried it all dude. But. Watching your old episodes is
the cure for me. I put one in and bam! I’m asleep.