Pyramid Schemes

Dear Ralph,
I’m having trouble with one of my friends. He always wants to hang out when I’m doing other things, and then he gets mad about it.

Your friend,
Little Jim

To: Little Jim
Yeah I’ve been friends with a guy for a while, and honestly, it’s more because I kind of felt bad for him than anything. I mean, he’s fine or whatever, but it seems like he’s never confident that I really like him.
Big problems. I never even think about that. One day he tried to get me to join his pyramid scheme. I hadn’t talked to him for about three months and then all of the sudden he’s on the phone with me asking how things have been. I was in the middle of being at a loss for words when he introduced the the whole Pyramid Scheme. “I get it,” I thought. I had a girlfriend about eight years ago that went in for pretty much the same thing. I can’t really remember what either of them told me we’d be selling together, but my ex girlfriend started never being able to spend time with me because she was going to some rich guy’s house to learn how to successfully run her own business. The guy had an outdoor pool and basketball court. He had a grill and a big patio for everyone to sit and eat his hamburgers while he told them how he used to salt the fries at BurgerTown until one day he started his own business and now look, he’s got on a fancy apron and he’s flipping his own burgers on his big patio. Well, I was never really too excited about the program. People that join pyramid schemes never recognize the distance that is or isn’t between people. They don’t realize that having someone to talk to or eat a hamburger with is something that you can’t quite put a dollar sign beside. People like that can’t eat a hamburger with their own brother without worrying about how much it’s costing them. So, whenever that guy was telling me about how he’d been earning extra money recently in his business, and how a lot of people I knew were getting in on it, I let him go. Sometimes its better to let them go Little Jim.
Your Friend,
Ralph the Cat