Ralph the Cat's Fanmail

Dear Ralph,
I’m feeling really low. I don’t really like myself and I don’t really
care about life. I wish I were somewhere else all the time and sometimes
I wish that I never even existed.

Your Friend,
Billy

To: Billy
Well, that’s no good. I wish we could hang out for a week, maybe
we’d find something that you could really enjoy. I think I know
what you mean though. Sometimes I’ve felt like the only good
thing in life was something from a long time ago.
I guess there’s
a lot of times that I wish it could be an earlier happier time in my life.
It’s winter right now and real cold and sometimes it feels like I hate it,
but then you get on your snowshoes and cut across a big field of snow
that no one has broken across, and I remember snowstorms when I was
in school and how’d I’d stand on the heat register and look out the
window to watch the flakes come down. I guess there’s a lot of people
that say you can’t change who you are, and that sometimes things
aren’t in the cards, but I’ve played lots of cards, and I’m pretty sure
the Pinochle games when I lost to one of my grandpas were just as
good as the Rook games when I won alongside of my other grandpa.
And now that they’re gone and I can’t play cards with either of them,
I realize that it really is okay to lose some games.
Maybe you should go out and try to enjoy losing at some games.
Your Friend,
Ralph the Cat


Dear Ralph
How can you make a girl you like notice you,
and maybe even fall in love with you?
your buddy,
little JIm

To: Little Jim,
What you’ve asked is kinda crazy. i mean, there’s really two
different things there. Let me tell you a story little Jim.
Once there was a cat that thought he had met the last cat
he’d ever need to meet. she had nice legs and laughed at the cat’s jokes.
Her smile was really nice and when the cat made funny jokes,
she’d come up with a joke that was more funny, and in this way they’d
spend their evenings together. now the strange thing was that it was
easy for the cats to notice each other. they noticed each other right away,
but then they stopped noticing one another.
The two cats flirted with the idea but they never fell in love.
So I guess the thing is you might not need to worry about the
whole noticing thing. it really could be that the girls that you notice
the most are the ones that you could never really love.
I mean, what seems crazy, is that it seems like you could.
It seems like you could love them like crazy, because you can’t stop
noticing them, but all that noticing doesn’t leave much room for love.

Your Friend,
Ralph the Cat