How to Increase your Productivity

There's comes a time when you realize it's time for you to take responsibility for your life and start becoming more productive and to succeed in life. For many this is the eighth or ninth grade. For others, senior year of college and for others still, somewhere in the early thirties or beyond. No matter when you start, it's a daunting task to get out there and make something of yourself. That's why we, at You Know Funny, have compiled a list of the best ways to get a kick-start on productivity.


1. Stop sleeping. By not sleeping you get several benefits all at once. You win back a massive chunk of the day that you were getting absolutely nothing accomplished and without having to have a bedroom anymore, you'll have plenty of workspace freed up.
2. Juice all your meals. Buy a juicer and run all your food through it for meals. This will save having to sit down at a table, reduce clean-up time, and you won't even have to floss anymore. To maximize the benefits from juicing, drink from a beer helmet so that you won't have to tie up your hands with the bother of a meal. Also, try to just do two big juices a day so that you aren't constantly puttering around the kitchen wasting time.
3. Delete numbers from your phone from anyone who hasn't helped you earn at least $200 dollars in the last 5-6 months. Who needs to drag around all that dead weight?
4. Hire people to do any task for you that doesn't translate into at least median profit levels. This means you shouldn't be mowing the grass, cleaning the bathroom, driving your child to school, helping your child learn arithmetic, talking to your spouse, ironing your clothes, paying your bills, or driving anywhere. These meaningless tasks are sucking your profit margins down to china town.
5. Learn to write ambidextrously. Never text. Don't video chat.
6. Don't listen to people's stories and try not to ask questions that will cause people to speak for long amounts of time.
7. Try not to leave your house much.
8. Use a timer. Especially if you're trying to cook a pizza.
9. Finally, in all circumstances use the following sentence, "Great, gotta run."