When Jokes Aren't Funny

We all know the dangers of humor. Funny people meet terrible and tragic ends! Hedberg, Farley, Belushi, The Lone Ranger, Confucius. We all know the grisly stories of these comedians. I'm reminded of the Lone Ranger's dark humor. How he would shoot someone's horse while they were at full gallop for a laugh. I'm really glad that youtube didn't exist while The Lone Ranger was doing his comedy, or else there would have been copycat after copycat of his ruthless farces. It was the worst kind of comedy, but people would fill up auditoriums to see him do all his crazy gags. It was during his bank heist gag that he was mortally wounded.
After stabbing a teller in the arm, a sheriff's deputy, shot in the leg, and unsure of his aim because of the pain, put a bullet right through the Lone Ranger's right lung. It's true, a lot of people thought that comedy would end with his passing, but by the often surprising properties of life, it worked its way back in through the jagged and crooked earth, and it continues to darken the hearts of our youth today. Just look at Farley and Hedberg! And if that's not enough to prove to you the dangers of comedy, think of the great comedians John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. Oswald was the head of the troupe, the Oswald Follies. Their best known joke involved tying a young lady to traintracks, waiting for the train to stop, and then a wholesale massacre of everyone on the locomotive. Comedians are vicious evildoers. The comedian that perpetrated the blast at Olympic Park in Atlanta's 96 games comes to mind. After the comedian responsible for that act was arrested he went on the record saying, "I get the last laugh! Hahaha." Comedy is something we can all do without. So the next time you start to get tickled over something. Hold it in! Even at the risk of peeing on yourself or having soda spew out your nose. Because it's a slippery slope. First comes a seemingly good natured quip about someone's bad hair day, and next thing you know the tommy guns are out in a 21st century St. Valentine's Day Massacre (As everyone knows, Capone was trained in the Lycee D'Clowns in Paris). Lets put an end to people dying of laughter. Write to your senator and tell him to vote against comedy. Write a lengthy letter about how comedy isn't funny anymore. Do it today!