Ralph the Cat

I am going to put Ralph the Cat in his own separate place.

Philadelphia

I think the streets of Philadelphia are a good place to go once you’ve cashed in your last check. I was trying to take a picture of town hall and all the sudden some guy was asking me all these questions about my camera. “how much something like that cost you?” the crazy guy said. He walked along with me for a while and tried to convince me that he was some sort of aspiring photographer.

How to Save Money

In this world it's "Waste not want not".

And what does waste mean?

Waste means loss of money.
As an example: You buy a hotdog for 1 dollar and don't eat the hotdog. You throw the hotdog away. Later you are hungry and buy a second hotdog for 1 dollar. You eat this hotdog. Now you've spent 2 dollars on 1 dollars worth of hotdog.

That's waste! 1 whole dollars worth of waste.

Read on to find out lots of time tested ways to save energy and money!!!

Santa's Reindeer Donner Found Dead

Early Wednesday morning in Holland, seven year old Hans Dortzunger heard something hit the roof. "We ran outside and watched as the reindeer slid off the roof. Hans and I ran up to him and around his neck was a golden collar with the name Donner. Hans is still shocked," said Mrs. Dortzunger. Donner's sled straps were cut very cleanly, which forensics expert Richard Yawbrough says is irrefutable proof that when one of his reindeer gives out, Santa pulls out a knife and cuts the dead weight off the sleigh. Yarbrough added that "a mature reindeer will weigh up to 650 pounds. That's a lot of extra weight to carry. To make sure he doesn't put too much strain on the rest of the sled team, sometimes Santa has to make the hard call."

The Greatest Basketball Player

Jibby Greenfield was the greatest basketball player the world has ever known. Jibby's moves were miraculous. "There was a game Jib never missed a shot. We kept passin' it to Jibby and he'd knock everything down," recalled Martin Schmitt, forward for the California Spinners. That was 1968, the year Jibby played for the Kansas City Slingers, the Idaho Men, and the California Spinners.

How the World Could End

There are basically 2 great ways for the world to roll toward a crashing halt, only to be pulled back from the crack of doom at the eleventh hour. Every other near apocalypse is melodrama in comparison.

Number one is what I call "The Terminator Problem."

Why Voldemort is a poor Villain.

Voldemort isn't really a great villain. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to buy a Voldemort T-shirt, a Voldemort wand, all the movies, all the books, and some other random Harry Potter gear, and then re-watch these things.

You'll see that Voldemort isn't even a decent villain. If you watch the Harry Potter movies closely, you'll catch SIX reasons why Voldemort isn't so hot as a villain. So, here we go!

Voldemort is usually always in his dining room or chateau

This places Voldemort squarely in the woman's role. Where's Voldemort's wife during all this time? Probably out making multimillion dollar business deals in the real world while he plays fantasy witch-hunt saying "Potter this" and "Potter that."

In fact, it has to be the case that Voldemort's wife is bringing home all the bacon. How else could Voldemort range around with his oddball cronies all the time and still have the means to live in such nice digs?

Did Shakespeare Write His Plays

For years, scholars have questioned the authorship of so called 'Shakespearean' plays. It is commonly agreed that no one is smart enough or talented enough to write so many great plays. Scholars understand the limits of human intelligence and ability. They know that the answer to the great questions of great human art, technology, architecture, and philosophy lie not in the human realm but are all a result of a higher intelligence: Sperm Whales.

Pistol Jones Runs to Freedom

Now long before the greys sounded the silver bugle and sent them turrible boomin' volleys of cannon flyin, Pistol Jones was pickin' that cotton. Yessuh he was. But Pistol Jones he sees that ole whipman turnin' his back to look upon the pretty black girls and Jones he crouch right down in those thorns. He turned to me and this is what Pistol Jones say:

Pistol Jones

And what was the very next thing I saw? It was Pistol Jones, and he was shooting them boys. One by one he was. I watched him shoot down 500 of those boys. And when he was through he turned to me and he said, "Oh Lawd, If'n my name idn't Pistol Jones my hands, they're burning!"

Things That Can Go Wrong

LOST was a great show. I say was to refer to most of the first three seasons and then to a trickle of episodes through the final meandering three seasons. What happened, we all want to to know. How did a show with such great promise meltdown with the toxic horror of Chernobyl? I locked myself in my room for a week to ponder the question, and defying the protests of my English Professors who tell me I am irrationally quick to making vast and undefendable generalizations, I think I have unlocked the secrets to understanding:

The 8 Ways That Good Things Go Impossibly Wrong as Exemplified in the Popular Television Series LOST

New Soft Drink: Cracka-Cola

In the last three quarters soda pop sales have plummeted. Diabetes is too risky and people are cutting out the sugary stuff. In an effort to charge back up the sales charts, one drink company has revitalized their image and drink. The new brand?